EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
