dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
