It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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