I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize