Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Boobs are out for the taking
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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