fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
