In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
