Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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