I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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