There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
