I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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