I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Randomize
