please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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