i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
