i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
