Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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