So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
im on a boat
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