Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
