So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
then he tried to convert me to islam
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
