i'm signing you up for texting rehab
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
