I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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