Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
