You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
