see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
