woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
