I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
