I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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