my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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