I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
