I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
