Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
