Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
