It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
