i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
My pussy is not your playground.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
