I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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