Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
