she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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