Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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