I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
