And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
