Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize