yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
