so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Boobs are out for the taking
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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