i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
