I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
