I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I enjoy the company of your penis
false alarm, still single
Randomize
