i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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