why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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