So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
