you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
