Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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