Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
