I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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