saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
