I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Randomize
