She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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