I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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