Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
