I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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