UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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