I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We're too hungover to prance.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
