It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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