how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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