Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
