No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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