Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
