I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
